Sunday, July 13, 2008
Sports, "Hunt's Grunts"

Rainbow Kumbaya

OK, here goes. I am, without a shadow of a doubt, not gay...

Robert Cianflone/Getty Images
Matthew Mitcham

By Hunt Archbold

OK, here goes. I am, without a shadow of a doubt, not gay. Although I was recently repeatedly referred to as “Sporty’’ in a column in the local gay-friendly publication David. And I did recently stop by Atlanta’s No. 1 gay sports bar, Woofs, to catch another offensively inept loss by the Braves. Not gay am I, although, many years ago, while employed at a state psychiatric hospital in North Carolina, I did accept a sweet vintage Atlanta Flames jersey from a gay co-worker as a token of apology because he had confused our friendship to be something more.

Honestly, not gay here, folks—although I admit that after the 2000 Inman Park Parade, I sat on a couch, wearing a cape and a wig, and momentarily contemplated kissing my openly gay friend.

Locally, Atlanta has a thriving gay sports community, with the Atlanta Rainbow Trout Aquatics, the Hotlanta Softball Association and the Atlanta Bucks Rugby Team, which last month brought home a championship division trophy at an international gay tournament in Dublin. I recently met some Bucks who enjoy hanging out at Woofs, which is more akin to a dive bar for dudes who like to watch sports on TV as opposed to, say, what you might find on Underwear Night at the Eagle in Midtown.

Then there’s Betty Jack DeVine, the longtime Atlantan, drag queen and webmaster of Gaytona.com, which she, er, he helped create five years ago to give gay race fans a place to follow the sport they get jacked up for, as well as a place to ooh and aah over their ab-fab drivers, such as Elliott Sadler, who, according to Betty Jack, is “a big bear.” Oh, my.

The Olympics are the world’s biggest sporting stage, and next month in Beijing, diver Matthew Mitcham will become the first openly gay Olympic athlete to compete for Australia. He will participate 20 years after U.S. diver Greg Louganis won a pair of gold medals at the Seoul Games. But unlike Mitcham, Louganis didn’t come out until after his Olympic days were well over (six years). Here in the U.S., two openly gay swimmers competed at the Olympic Trials this month but did not qualify for Beijing.

Former NBA player John Amaechi will be in China next month as an Amnesty International Olympics ambassador. Amaechi, as you might recall, came out last year, four seasons removed from his retirement from basketball. Likewise, former Major League Baseball outfield Billy Bean, who came out in 1999, and football’s Esera Tuaolo, a member of the Falcons’ Super Bowl XXXIII team, waited until after their playing days were over to emerge from the closet.

Which begs the question: Will an athlete in a team sport environment ever come out of the closet during his playing days? Oh, sure, it happens in individual sports such as golf and tennis, which has been a lesbian liberation from Billie Jean King to Martina Navratilova to Amelie Mauresmo. But all team sports require good chemistry to succeed, and while the likes of Amaechi, Bean and Tuaolo agree that roughly 80 percent of their fellow players would be fine, there’d be that 20 percent vocal minority who would raise concerns and voice displeasures. That would lead to needless team distractions and tremendous scrutiny. And so, the thinking goes, while coming out might be liberating, it ultimately isn’t worth the price to be paid for a player who wants to make an incredible living in a very short period of time while his body remains healthy.

Right or wrong (and that’s not a subject for this column), our country will never fully accept the pro-gay movement. But acting hatefully, like those who recently protested the Pride parade, or violently, as those sick individuals did in fatally torturing Matthew Shepherd 10 years ago, are not the answers, either. News flash, people: No one is free of sin.

So there it is. I’m not gay. But I’m happy to have gay friends and acquaintances. I know I’m not gay because on that early spring evening more than eight years ago after the parade, I honestly thought for several moments about what it would be like to kiss my friend’s lips. And then, in an instant, we were both grossed out, whereupon I left and went down the street to Fontaine’s to watch sports on TV, have a Jäger and score some female phone numbers.

Happy times...and seriously heterosexual, here. Just ask my girlfriend. SP