Sunday, July 27, 2008
A+E, Movies, Reviews

X con

‘X-Files’ movie doesn’t give us something to believe in

BY STEVE WARREN

If you’ve ever been disappointed seeing one of your favorite bands in a “once more for the money” reunion tour, you have an idea of what to expect from “The X-Files: I Want to Believe.” If the first “X-Files” movie got you addicted to the TV series, the second one will serve as your 12-step recovery program; it may turn you from an “X” fan to an ex-fan in 104 minutes or less. There are no aliens involved in the plot, but you may be wishing for some to show up in the theater, abduct you and transport you to another movie.

The film’s 21st-century versions of Fox Mulder (David Duchovny) and Dana Scully (Gillian Anderson) are shadows of their former selves, no longer working in shadowy places. Mulder, in fact, has become some kind of hermit, and even grown a cute little beard. Scully, meanwhile, is working in a Catholic hospital, where her favorite patient is a young boy with a rare brain disease.

Faced with what must be their first paranormal case in years, the FBI asks Scully to help recruit Mulder’s help. A female agent has disappeared, and a priest, Father Joseph Crissman (Billy Connolly), who psychic knowledge of the case gained through “visions,” leads the FBI to a severed limb buried in the snow. (Set in West Virginia but filmed in British Columbia, the movie looks cold enough to save a fortune on air conditioning.)

Once Mulder and Scully arrive on the scene, they learn Father Joe is a “convicted pedophile” who lives in a dorm with other sex offenders. “Just avoid the activities room,” Mulder cracks in one of his few funny lines. Scully is so sickened by the priest that she begs Mulder to drop the case she got him into, but he’s already hooked. Soon enough, another young woman disappears and more body parts turn up.

The current incarnation of the FBI is represented by Alvin "Xzibit" Joiner as Agent Mosley Drummy, who doesn’t get along with anyone, and Amanda Peet as Special Agent in Charge Dakota Whitney, who doesn’t act like she’s in charge of anything and whose primary function seems to be making Scully jealous by talking to Mulder.

Despite a number of cliffhangers and action scenes, there’s surprisingly little excitement in “I Want to Believe.” References to the old days are tossed in for loyal fans, as Scully and Mulder link each other’s current obsessions to the past, and a familiar face turns in an eleventh-hour cameo.

“The X-Files: I Want to Believe” was screened for critics very close to opening. It could have been, as 20th Century Fox claims, to preserve the secrecy of the plot, but historical precedent overwhelmingly favors the theory that the studio didn’t want advance word getting out about how bad it is. The movie itself bears that out—the reunion is a bust. Duchovny, Anderson and writer-director-creator Chris Carter no longer make beautiful music together.

Scully, fighting a hospital administrator who wants to send her patient to a hospice, is moved when Father Joe tells her, “Don’t give up.”

Memo to Chris Carter: Give up. 2 STARS