Sunday, November 23, 2008
A+E, In this Issue..., Movies, Reviews

Bite club

Surprise! ‘Twilight’ doesn’t suck

BY STEVE WARREN

Does anyone see the irony in teenage boys hoping to score by taking girls to see a movie about abstinence? One of the sexiest movies ever made about people not having sex, “Twilight” is likely to cause many young viewers to react with “I’ll have what she’s not having!”

The hype for “Twilight” has been inescapable for the past month, and if you’ve been within 50 yards of a teenage girl, you’ve probably felt the anticipation building. The four novels in Stephenie Meyer’s “Twilight” series have sold about 17 million copies, which have been shared with several friends—and their mothers, many of whom have also been swept up in the phenomenon.

If you’re not a “Twilighter” or “Twi-hard,” you may as well start with the movie—as I did, with low expectations. Well, “Twilight” is a good movie, not only sexy but romantic, scary and surprisingly funny. It can be taken seriously or as a spoof—the inevitable “Vampire Movie,” only better. Director Catherine Hardwicke has made a solid entertainment package that will please fans and non-fans alike.

You’re probably not a Twi-hard, because they’re all at the movies, so here’s what’s going on. Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) moves from Phoenix, where her mother’s remarried, to live with her father (Billy Burke) in Forks, Wash., “the wettest place in the continental U.S.”—a place where the sun shines so rarely that vampires can move about in daylight.

Bella is quickly befriended by almost everyone at her new high school. The sole exception (so of course she wants him) is standoffish Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson, looking like “Freaks and Geeks”-era James Franco, only freakier), who stands off from everyone. He’s the only one of five foster Cullen children without an incestuous hookup.

An example of the hilarity in “Twilight” is Bella’s entrance into biology class, where she stands in front of a fan that blows her hair seductively while she stares at Edward, who appears to have sprouted wings from his shoulders.

It takes some time, and Edward using his superpowers to protect Bella, before they confide in each other. We’re 48 minutes into the movie before the V-word is uttered, and by then, Bella has figured it out. She’s not scared, but she doesn’t have to be, because the Cullens are the vampire equivalent of vegetarians: They drink the blood of animals, not humans.

That doesn’t mean they don’t still thirst for human blood—especially Edward, who is perpetually 17 and hasn’t had a date in 90 years. A guy has needs. Sex and bloodsucking become virtually interchangeable concepts, because if Edward loses control, he won’t be able to stop himself. This is frustrating for Bella—a girl has needs too.

Fortunately, they’re diverted at this point by the arrival of a trio of more traditional vampires, whose recent kills in the area have been dismissed as “animal attacks.” James (Cam Gigandet) instinctively becomes Edward’s rival and makes Bella his designated target, leading to some action for the boys who have sat patiently through the love stuff, relieved only occasionally by special effects of Edward flying, moving fast and skittering up trees—and a vampire baseball game, this movie’s equivalent of Quidditch.

When mortals fall in love, they talk about wanting to be together forever, but that’s because they know they won’t live forever. For vampires, eternal love is a real possibility. This becomes a talking point near the cliffhanger ending. And with a first outing this good and three more books to draw from, you know “Twilight” will not go gently into that good night for a long time to come. 3 STARS