Sunday, March 29, 2009
Life, In this Issue...

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Choosing a venue, a day and a photographer


By Kirsten Ott

Planning a gay wedding is no easy feat. Maria and I will tie the knot in June, and we’ve had plenty of hurdles to leap—many of which were outlined in my cover story in the March 15 issue of The Sunday Paper.

The first challenge we had to contend with was the where. Deciding the venue is of the utmost importance. It usually determines the when, as well as the theme, if any. We knew we wanted a spring or summer wedding, and we wanted to get married in Atlanta. Because we’re a same-sex couple, choosing some remote setting wasn’t plausible. Our top priority in planning our wedding has always been to find people who will treat us with the decency and respect that we deserve, and that usually means working with vendors inside the Perimeter. Of course, some gay-friendly wedding spots do exist beyond the walls of Atlanta proper. For example, Serenbe in Palmetto, Ga., offers an extraordinary setting for vow exchanges out in a beautiful meadow overlooking a serene lake. However, Maria and I definitely wanted an in-town affair with close access to a bevy of posh hotels for our guests and very accessible for all of our vendors. We also wanted metropolitan-minded folks who wouldn’t snub our guests. Since we’re both fans of the arts, we looked at the High Museum of Art as a venue. But we didn’t want to be on display for museum-goers. (You know how people stare at something they don’t see every day.) I’m a bit of a vintage girl, with an appreciation for antiques and history, so we chose an antebellum home just outside of Atlanta, but still within the Perimeter. It’s a smaller venue, perfect for our 75 guests. The home is already decked out in Federal Period furnishings, which sets the theme of romance. And the perfectly proportioned brick patio is ideal for a late spring wedding.

Since the venue is of prime importance for so many other key decisions—you can’t confirm other vendors until this one is settled—we did this first. Our venue had so many open dates when we booked that we had the struggle of having too many Saturdays to choose from. We whittled down the days by conferring with family members. Maria has a niece graduating from high school on June 6, so that was out. Mother’s Day weekend wasn’t ideal, nor was Memorial Day weekend, as so many people travel during that time. April made us choke—much too soon! Early May is my father and stepmother’s wedding anniversary. The end of June is much too hot for me, and I get really cranky in the heat. My late father settled the matter when he picked June 13. I asked him if he didn’t think that was an unlucky date. “Not at all,” he replied. “It’s never unlucky when two people in love get married.”

Yes, lucky in love is how I see Maria and myself. We’ve had the normal challenges any couple faces—gay or straight—but all in all, we’ve gotten through the first five years unscathed. We had a terrific get-to-know-each-other stage—Atlanta really is the perfect place for that, with all its fantastic restaurants. We’ve successfully bought and sold houses together in this rotten housing market. Maria gave me a whirlwind romantic proposal in Central Park. She was—and still is—my rock while I grieve my father. No matter how cheesy it sounds, I proudly admit that she’s my soul mate, through and through.

Hence, it was very important that we hire a photographer who could capture this on film. Gone are the days of still shots of the entire wedding party looking directly at the camera, saying, “Cheese!” Now, wedding photography is part photojournalism and very artistic. Upshots of the happy couple on a balcony, a close-up of the shiny wedding rings, the gown hanging on a door, the mother of the bride misty-eyed as she places her knowing hand on her daughter’s shoulder, a quickly snapped shot of the attendants clapping with glee. This art form certainly isn’t cheap, but it’s well worth it. So parents and grandparents sometimes suffer sticker shock, thinking the photography should be less costly. But it can sometimes be just as much as catering. It all depends on what your priorities are when planning your wedding day. For us, photography and catering were most important.

We got quotes from tons of photographers. In every e-mail I sent out, I started it with, “My girlfriend and I are getting married.” If they didn’t respond, I knew immediately they wouldn’t be ideal for shooting our wedding. Others wrote back but were hesitant in their wording or something just wasn’t jibing. In my business, I’m familiar with so many photographers, and so I already knew of Our Labor of Love photography. But I didn’t think we could afford them at first. A husband-and-wife team, Jesse and Whitney Chamberlin moved to Atlanta from California about six years ago. They’re hip, fresh and really cool. Their photography is almost ethereal, as they’re quite the masters of light. Maria and I explored their Web site and were hooked. Once we saw that they’d recently photographed other lesbian weddings, we knew they would be kind to us. It only took one meeting to confirm this, so we booked them right away. Our engagement photo session took place one chilly afternoon in November all over Decatur, with an industrial background setting the stage for a modern-day romance. The Chamberlins were so good about putting us at ease, too. One of the many challenges of being a gay couple is that Maria and I are always hypersensitive to being snubbed in public when we’re even remotely affectionate. So to have a straight couple encouraging us to hold each other and open up in front of them was liberating. And once we got our photos back, we knew they were going to knock it out of the park on our wedding day. SP

Kirsten Ott is the Life, Food and Style Editor of The Sunday Paper. “Brides & Prejudice” will appear in this space bi-weekly as Kirsten chronicles her wedding planning. Get in touch at kirstenott@sundaypaper.com.