Thursday, July 26, 2007
Quick

07/29/07 QUICK, ITK: Fly the Coop

Fly the Coop All roads lead to Anderson By Caren West I cannot remember the last time I went on a real vacation. You know, when you go some place solely for enjoyment with no other purpose ...

A spoiled vacation offers a fateful encounter CREDIT: Courtesy Caren West

Fly the Coop
All roads lead to Anderson
By Caren West

I cannot remember the last time I went on a real vacation. You know, when you go some place solely for enjoyment with no other purpose than taking a break from your daily existence in order to have fun and perhaps get a little R&R. Any sort of work, even checking in with the office, is not permitted. Sadly, the concept of vacationing has become completely foreign to me. All of my trips center around business or family, so even if I am gallivanting around Vegas or watching my little sis tie the knot in Mexico, I am somehow required to be there—so it’s not really the same.

At this point, I am confident that even if I tried to take a real vacation or was forced at gunpoint by a group of hunky half-naked tan men to journey to the Maldives and drink fruity drinks with tiny umbrellas as they fanned me on the beach, all the circuits in my brain would overload and then completely shut down. I would probably start convulsing and frothing at the mouth and end up with a mini umbrella sticking out of my eyeball and screaming for my BlackBerry and wireless hotspot. After being diagnosed with a rare and incurable case of vacationitis, a shoddy island doctor with a degree would have no other option but to give me a lobotomy and put me in an adult diaper.

Recently, my mother, a psychologist (the irony, I know), invited me to meet her in Cape Cod for a long weekend as she honed her skills in “how to deal with crazy people” at a few seminars. Since she specializes in neuropsychology and I like to pretend she can read my thoughts, my brain and I feel vulnerable at all times when I am around her. Perhaps I should consult with Magneto from X-Men before my next visit and see if I can borrow his special anti-mind-reading helmet.

As I set out to take another vacation-not-vacation, I made a decision to put all work aside and do my best to enjoy some rare one-on-one time with my mom during my first trip to the Cape. Unfortunately, New York’s LaGuardia International Airport and US Airways had something else in mind for me. Due to weather and mechanical issues, I was trapped in the airport for an entire day and night. With the help my fellow traveler Tony Tutrone, a bigwig at Lehman Brothers who has a house in the Cape, I somehow managed to beat the system and everyone else waiting to get to Nantucket, Martha’s Vineyard and the Cape. I secured prime real estate on three connecting flights through the course of the evening—all of which ended up being canceled.

Normally, I would have completely lost my mind, but there was really nothing to do but laugh about it. Tony and I were a modified version of John Candy and Steve Martin in “Planes, Trains and Automobiles” and our antics to get to our respective families were nothing but humorous. And, being trapped in New York City for a night, well, there was nothing else for me to do, but make the most of it.

I picked up the phone and called my gal pal Kay Jones who just happened to be working the late shift for Anderson Cooper. What’s a girl to do other than hop in a cab and head to Time Warner to meet up with Anderson, um, I mean Kay, for beers and serious late-night venting about US Airways?

Although I was considerably bummed that I lost at a day of the beach and catching up with my mom, the weather in New York was beautiful and the city was buzzing. I was immediately re-energized and it felt great to be out of Atlanta. For a moment, I felt like I was on a real vacation. I even got to say hello to Anderson who flashed me a sincere smile and shook my hand, which, of course, I refused to wash for the entire evening in spite of being a total germaphobe.

Don’t worry; when I finally made it to see my mom, I told her all about my all-day airport extravaganza and my meeting-Anderson adventure, she confirmed that I am definitely not crazy and handled the whole thing like a pro. Admittedly, I left out the part that I licked my hand before refusing to wash it. Just kidding … or am I? SP