Sunday, June 07, 2009
Life
The big day
I’m getting married this weekend. In previous columns in my “Brides & Prejudice” series, I’ve talked about selecting a venue, the date, a photographer...
By Kirsten Ott
After an 18-month long engagement and about nine months of hard-core planning, I’m getting married this weekend. In previous columns in my “Brides & Prejudice” series, I’ve talked about selecting a venue, the date, a photographer and a caterer, as well as planning invitations and flowers, and enjoying my bachelorette party. Over the past few months, I’ve opened up my life for everyone to see the happiness and heartbreak that my fiancée and I have encountered on this journey of planning our same-sex wedding in a state that does not legally recognize it.
After Maria and I tie the knot, we will not be afforded the some 500 perks that heterosexual couples automatically receive when they marry, like tax breaks, health insurance and government protection here and abroad. When I call Maria my wife, I know some people’s brows will furrow with confusion. Society as a whole will not recognize us as a married couple. I will have to jump through legal hoops to change my last name. Should one of us suffer an early death before we’ve taken all the legal protections we can with costly lawyer fees, I will not be entitled to make decisions as her spouse, or vice versa.
Why then, are we going through the motions of a wedding, some might ask. The answer is simple: love. We know without any shadow of a doubt that the other is the person we want to spend the rest of our life with, and we want to have a holy union performed by our minister in front of God, our family and our friends. We will not wait on man’s law to change. It will come in due time, but love does not wait on man. As I’ve stated in previous columns, it is not illegal for same-sex couples to get married. It’s simply unrecognized by our current laws in Georgia and most other states.
As California waxes and wanes over its laws and the discussion about whether or not to legalize same-sex marriage remains at the forefront of many people’s minds, we are currently entitled to all of the state-level rights and benefits of marriage in Massachusetts, Connecticut and Iowa. Vermont’s marriage equality laws become effective Sept. 1, and Maine’s will take effect 90 days after the end of the legislative session in June.
I’m just one of many of the lesbians and gays on the front lines of this battle. I fight for our rights every day. Mainly I do this by being out. The more that we as a gay community can be brave and tell the world our story, the more allies we will gather to vote with us when marriage equality comes up on the ballots again. I hope that I have shed some light on same-sex marriage during this series, that you, an SP reader, have gained some new insight into what we, the gay community, endure when we plan our weddings that our government does not recognize, and that you might have realized that our relationships and our culture aren’t all that different from yours. When we fall in love, we want to devote the rest of our lives to cultivating and caring for that relationship, and we want to openly make a serious commitment to each other through a wedding.
If you are straight and reading this, I thank you for having an open mind to the idea that there are people like me that need your help. Our minister said in a recent meeting, as we were going over the details of our ceremony, “We don’t want the white men in power to feel ashamed that they’re white men in power. We want them to use their power for good and vote for equality for all.” Please consider being an ally for the GLBT community. Speak up for us when we are not there—and when we are. Don’t be afraid to show your support. Repeat after me: “Everyone deserves the right to marry the one they love.” SP
Kirsten Ott is the Life, Food and Style Editor for The Sunday Paper. Learn more about her series at www.sundaypaper.com.