Thursday, August 16, 2007
Quick

Fully Furnished

Interior design from the inside out

Caren West’s new loft—post “A Movie & A Makeover” redesign from interior designer Michael Habachy. CREDIT: Amy Rader

By Caren West

C. West Confession # 347: I have panic attacks. Real ones. I understand it’s a hard concept for anyone to comprehend what it is like to experience a sudden surge of overwhelming fear out of absolutely nowhere, unless of course they have had a panic attack at some point in their life or were randomly attacked by a shark while swimming.

It started when I was in my early 20s. I was in the middle of a meeting with a group of business folks and, all of a sudden, I was paralyzed. My heart started racing. I was dizzy and had hot flashes. I felt like I was going crazy and had lost all control of my body. I couldn’t even speak. Not a word. It was one of the most humbling, embarrassing and terrifying experiences of my life.

I chalked it up to a bad day and didn’t think much about it, until it happened again. I was speaking on a panel and, for the second time in my life, I lost the ability to speak or even move. And this time I had an audience watching me. I wanted to disappear. From that moment on, the fear of having another attack consumed me. My disorder got so bad that I could no longer have my photo taken at events. I had trouble grocery shopping and at times could not even walk my dogs around the neighborhood.

I kept it a secret for a long time and have done everything in my power to face my fear head on. My first live interview was on CNN and, although I was confident I may die while talking to anchor Kyra Phillips, I pushed on through. When it was over, I was more excited about not publicly dying, passing out or having a massive panic attack rather than being on CNN.

My personal fear factor is also why I jumped at the chance to do the 99X “Weekend Reacharound” back in the day, although it took me a good two months to even remember what I talked about on-air because I was so frightened. It’s also why I agreed to have cameras follow me around for eight weeks when I filmed “Single in the City” for WE tv.

I still battle with panic attacks and get über nervous whenever I have to be on the radio or TV. So when my friend Brian Flynn from TBS’ “Movie & A Makeover” called me to see if I wanted my new empty loft to be featured on the show, I instinctively wanted to say no. But the phrases “free furniture” and “interior design by Michael Habachy” flashed across my mind, as did, “Suck it up, moron!”

Interestingly enough, I was more nervous about being on camera than having an unknown crew perform a diva-inspired makeover on my brand spanking new loft—my very first investment. Twisted, I know. The deal went down within a matter of days, and, the next thing I knew, I found myself on camera begging “Movie & A Makeover” to take my loft from bare to beautiful. For the first time, in a very long time, I wasn’t nervous at all. I actually enjoyed being on camera, because I was genuinely excited to take a risk (and get free furniture).

Flynn, Habachy and the amazing “Movie & A Makeover” crew booted me from my digs for three days, leaving my mind to create endless disaster scenarios. When they finally revealed their handiwork, I was beyond impressed. It was anything but a disaster. They created a glamorous, livable loft with subtle diva tones; take a peek when my home makeover airs along with “The Upside of Anger” later this year.

And, although I am beyond thrilled with my loft’s new look, being 100 percent comfortable and confident in front of a camera for the first time in about 10 years gave my mind and soul a much-needed makeover of its own. SP

When not attending Atlanta’s hottest parties, tracking down celebs or shopping for shoes, Caren West runs her own PR firm. E-mail her at carenwest@sundaypaper.com.