Saturday, October 20, 2007
Quick, "Ask a Bachelor"

Simply scandalous

Threesomes, affairs and pretty young things

By Blane Bachelor

Q I am soon to be 42 years old. I am attracted to much younger women. Good news is they like me back. I have found out (much to my pleasure) that younger girls are much more sexually aggressive than I would have ever imagined. Is this a generalization, or am I accurate in this observation? Please give me the good news/sexual validation that I so desperately seek. —Waiting for a Sign in Downtown

A Just to make sure I have this straight: You’re nearly 42 years old, you’re enjoying the merits of sexually aggressive women who are much younger than you are, and you’re looking to an advice columnist for an in-print stamp of approval?

First of all, if “much younger” means barely of age, that’s an entirely different line of advice than a 10- or 15-year gap. And even then, age can be a sliding scale. For some, a wide gap comes with an inescapable ick factor; for others, it’s not an insurmountable obstacle.

Speaking of mounting, to address your question: I agree that, yes, younger and younger women—and men, too, for that matter—seem to be slutting it up more than ever. I think we have “Sex and the City,” “Girls Gone Wild” and Paris Hilton and her, um, posse to thank—or decry—for that trend.

Your wording gives me additional pause for thought. You say you’ve “found out” that younger girls are more aggressive “than you ever would have imagined,” both of which sound like you’re making your first foray into this wild terrain. If you, as a 42-year-old man, are suddenly experiencing unprecedented attention from much younger women, I’d venture to say you’ve either come into a lot of money recently, made some vast improvements to your appearance or upped your mojo to unparalleled heights. All of which is fine, but I find it a little curious that you seem to be only recently acting on—or able to act on—your attraction to younger women.

Now, onto the guts of your question—revealed in volumes in your last sentence and your sign off. If you’re “so desperately” seeking validation about what’s going on in your love life and are “waiting for a sign” that it’s all OK, then it’s clear you’re harboring some guilt (or perhaps just want to brag in print). As for the guilt, only you can answer why. As for me, the only way I’ll give you the go-ahead is if you’re doing all of the following: 1) Not making false promises to these PYTs just to get them in the sack; 2) Not getting them pregnant or giving them diseases; and 3) (this should go without saying) Keeping things legal age-wise. If you can answer affirmatively to all three, quit feeling guilty and go get your Lolita on.

I’m in the middle of a really strange love triangle, and I’m not sure what to do. I’m single, and my two best friends are in a relationship with each other. They’ve been together for almost three years, and we’ve all been playing around together in the bedroom (theirs) for the last three months. It’s been a lot of fun, believe me. One of the women, who I’ll call Jill, frequently goes out of town on business, leaving Jenny all alone with me. We’ve been spending those lonesome nights together and getting closer than ever. I think we might be falling in love. Jill and Jenny get along well in their daily lives, and it truly isn’t my intention to split them up. But Jenny has been hinting to me that she might break it off with Jill to be with me. I don’t want to hurt Jill, whom I have deep affection for, but I’m completely lost on what to do. —Three’s a Crowd

I’ve never been in such a juicy love triangle before. But if I had entangled myself in one, I’d try my best at this point to pull back and not do anything. Jill is the one in the relationship; she’s the one who would ultimately have to take action to be with you by ending things with Jenny. If you truly love her and are willing to risk losing both her and Jenny—your two supposed best friends—for the chance to be with you, then I’d make my feelings clear, and then step back and let her take the action.

But (of course there’s a but) it’s hard to suspect that whatever has sprung up between you and Jill isn’t at least in part related to the illicit, taboo nature of things. And you have to know already that if Jenny found out that while she was on her business trips you guys were getting down to business, she would already be terribly hurt. You might have deep affection for her, but be prepared for some deep disgust from her if she finds out about the sneaky sidebar to your shared threesome.

One last point (and I’m really trying not to tsk-tsk here): Threesomes can be fun, enlightening and exciting. But perhaps the next time, you’ll consider that “playing around in the bedroom” can create consequences that are anything but playful. SP

After two years of highlighting her own romantic adventures, Blane Bachelor is now available to help you with yours. Send your questions to askabachelor@sundaypaper.com.