Sunday, November 11, 2007
Quick, "Ask a Bachelor"
From babymaking to matchmaking
She wants children, and I don’t.
Q I’ve been dating a girl for two years. Our relationship is about as good as it gets. However, we’ve reached a big hurdle. She wants children, and I don’t. We had the “big talk” last week, and it looks like we’re going to end it. Any advice? —Kid ConundrumA Yes. End it now, before either of you wastes any more time in this dead-end relationship. Your third sentence says it all: This is an issue neither of you is willing to compromise on.
For some people, having children falls into that expansive gray area of love relationships. Some of us (like me) who, in their younger years, were sure they wanted kids become not as sure as they get older and life seems to get better and better. Others who are dead-set against it change their mind when they find the right person. For you, it’s black and white. And furthermore, you’ve spent two years with this woman—if there was any possibility for you (or her) to have a change of heart, you’d know it by now. This isn’t a hurdle; this is a deal-breaker. Your next big talk should be the big goodbye, and next time, I strongly encourage getting this issue on the table much sooner than two years down the road.
I am a wealthy international businessman in my mid-forties living in my Dunwoody McMansion. Since I have achieved wealth and gained class, culture and education, I can not seem to find the right woman that fits my minimum standards. After moving to Atlanta and dating Southern women, I’ve lowered my expectations considerably and still can’t seem to find her. Please advise what events and happenings in Atlanta that I may attend to find that very special one. I’m interested in a single white or Latina woman with no kids, no diseases, in her late 20s to early 30s only. Her education, passion for life and a physically fit body are important. A woman that would like to travel to the Bahamas, attend black tie events, meet heads of state and have a passion for me and life. —Still Looking
As far as Atlanta events where you can meet this “very special one,” I’m afraid I can’t help you, because I don’t think the woman you describe—a single, white or Latina woman with no kids and no diseases in her late 20s or 30s only, is educated and passionate about life, has a rockin’ body, loves to pop over to the Bahamas, and enjoys hobnobbing at black tie affairs with political leaders—exists anywhere but in your mind. If these are the “minimum standards” you set for women you date, I’m not sure anyone could measure up—and, judging from the snobbery oozing from your letter, I’m not sure why anyone would want to.
Furthermore, I don’t think I’m the best candidate to help you find romance anyway. After all, I’m a Southern-born woman who’s lived in Atlanta for five years—just the kind you describe as leading to your considerably lowered expectations.
I’m a successful, attractive African-American woman in Midtown. I don’t have a problem meeting men, but I’m looking to increase my dating options. Are there any particular places a single woman of color should frequent if she’s interested in dating a man of a different race? —Curious in Midtown
Good for you for seeking out some variety. I think an indicator of a truly cosmopolitan city is the number of racially integrated couples it boasts, and Atlanta needs more of them.
I’ve always been a huge fan of Apres Diem, that awesome bar/restaurant tucked behind Trader Joe’s off Monroe. With a hodgepodge of cozy couches and chairs in the back, a DJ or live music and a sexy, candle-lit vibe, it draws a diverse—and smokin’ hot—crowd always up for conversation with an open-minded woman such as yourself. Also consider Taverna Plaka, the Greek restaurant where, after about 10 p.m., the ouzo is flowing, the napkins are flying, and the interracial flirting is rampant. If you, like me, have a soft spot in your heart for Latino hotties, head to Loca Luna, where a fabulous Brazilian band packs in the salsa- and samba-loving crowd on the weekends. Finally, if the bar scene isn’t your bag, check out Whole Foods on Ponce around 7 p.m. on a weeknight. In addition to its tasty organic food, the place boasts a veritable buffet of yummy singles in all flavors looking to pick up dinner—and each other. All these places are in or close to your Midtown neighborhood, so have fun satisfying your curiosity! SP
After two years of highlighting her own romantic adventures, Blane Bachelor is now available to help you with yours. Send your questions to askabachelor@sundaypaper.com.